Career Women

On the radio this morning a man called in who was origanlly from Dallas Texas and moved to the area a few months ago. They didnt say his career or anything really about him personally just gave his opinion on women from this area. It was this: There are no career minded women in this area and that all they do is sit at home, have multiple children, and are lazy.

As you can tell the radio station was looking for a debate on this. I know there is a 1 in a million chance this guy will ever see this but I want to put my thoughts on opinions out there on this matter.

I disagree. Not because I am a women but because I am a career minded women who works for a living and can support herself. I have earned my keep since I was 15. At times I work 2 to 3 jobs. Everything I have purchsaed has been with my own money and I have worked to get.

Now I know the caller had made his comment about this area in specific but as of the past two months I am considered a resident of this area. The first thing upon PCSing here was to find a job. I spent a month sending out my resume, going to stores and filing out applications, searching the web for any want ads. It was very fusterating being turned down or hearing Not Hiring twenty times a day, but I still looked. Finally I got a job, which I hate but will not quit (unless I can line a new one up first) because I feel as if I have to work. I am not comfertable sitting at home doing nothing for the day. In the process of job hunting I saw many women working and making a living for thereselves.

So my question is this. What is this mans career. Now don't jump down my thoat on this one just yet, hear me out. As my husband is Military I have had chances to met men from around the US, men with different opinions on everything. Could this man be military? The living here is differnt, the living cost is cheaper and the career field is limited (almost non existent). So I know a lot of military wives are having problems finding a job around here. Is it possible he is only looking at it form a military point of view? If so I could maybe understand were he is coming from on parts of his comment.

If he is not married and doesnt have children, he is not only seeing it from a Soldiers point of view but a single soliders point of view. For mothers in order for them to work you have the cost of daycare (for me it's doggyday care lol) . So on top of trying to find a job in a economy like ours you have aditional costs. Plus time away from your children. Also if he isnt married he isnt seeing the struggles us military wives have. This topic actually hit me pretty hard last night. The subject of  leave came up last night, for 2 weeks in July. There is no way a company I just started with and one who has only 4 employees will let me take off for two weeks. On top of an upcoming training to where my husband will be gone for a month to another state, his comment was maybe we can send you home while I'm gone. None of this works with a  full time career type of job.

Possibly he is looking at it from a single soliders point of view who has traveled. Every place is going to be different, for example if he was stationed at Fort Meade and looked for the women who worked for a living he would not find many who did not work. This is were I was born and raised and this is were I learned how to work the way I do.

Now for all I know he is a banker who is just iggroant and all my rambling about military wives and men and familes is just me putting otu thoguhts or reading to much into this caller.

Hope I didnt come off the wrong way to anybody!

Military Memorial

I just attended my first military memorial. The PFC was a friend of my husbands who he had deployed with and had been stationed with at Wainwright and PCS'd with to Bliss. He was in a car accident a few weeks back and was in a coma for about a week and a half. Then passed on.

I guess I should have asked my husband what to expect.

I personally had never me him but was on the verge of tears the entire time. Not only were the boots, gun, and helmet  with his dog tags there but they did a "Roll Call." Then the firing of the guns. When they had said to stand for the roll call I thought that they were going to call out the people on his squad. I was wrong. They called two people who responded then called the PFC who cold not responded. I had no idea this was done. Then the firing of the guns.

What bothers me most about his death is this. The entire time we worry about our SO, family member or friends while they are deployed. Then they make it home and we thank our gods, or whatever you believe in, and we think we are in the clear until the next deployment. However does anyone actually stop and think that even though they are on our soil in our free country that something we think is a normal daily activity will be the end. Yes we all know that people pass away doing "normal" daily activities but as a military wife I don't wake up in the morning and look at my husband and say he could die today by doing the same thing he does everyday. But when he was deployed I was constantly worried about if he was okay, go a day without hearing from him and I would be going crazy.

I know this is life and all but honestly it sucks.

Just Don't Know

I love him. That much is clear. Or else I wouldnt put up this this bull crap.

But beyond that I just don't know anymore. I mean can I really put up with this?

It's not just that he drinks, it's the not listening to me, it's the not caring about my feelings, it's everything all built up and im ready to explode. I know that not good for our relationship. But at least it shows I care about it and have emotions. I can't tell how much he really cares. I wish I knew so I know I'm not wasting my time trying to make this work.

I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. Does that mean anything at all to him? I just don't know.

We have these "talks" or fights. Whatever you want to call them and he doesnt listen. Admitted to me today he only listened to me a little bit last night. I mean gosh!!

This sucks.

Valentines Day

Well I knew DH didn't agree with Valentines Day, saying it was a Hallmark holiday and what not, But he still asked what I wanted for it so I figured he was trying cause of me. I guess I was wrong. We just got into a hug disagreement about it. Here is what happened.

I bought some cute lights lanterns for our porch. Well one end plugs into the outlet and the other end is open if your connecting another strand, like christmas lights. Well I was plugging them in and DH was like lets hope the lights don't short out since you don't have anything connected to the other end. 

So I was like "Baby they are just like christmas lights, you don't have to connect anything to the other end."

He said " Well sorry I didn't know but I hate christmas lights"

So I asked him jokingly well why did you marry me if you don't like anything I do? and I made a comment about Valentines day and christmas decorations. Which of course brought up him thinking valentines was a hallmark holiday and all this shit about him disagreeing with it and so I said well fine then we dont have to celebrate it and he was like good. 

Well I just wasted all this time making him a really cute coupons book and valentines card and everything, for nothing. I cant seem to do anything to make him happy unless its something that totally not me. I don't know what to do anymore.

Hell I cant even kiss him with out him getting all pissy. Im at a total loss on what to do anymore. I mean I know he didn't like the holiday but he brought it up asking what I wanted and where I wanted to go to dinner. So I was under the impression we were celebrating it. Guess I was wrong and don't know shit once again.

Mistake

This takes a lot to out into words but I fear if I don't I might lose what's left of my mind.

Im just not happy. It's like I'll be in a good mood one second and the next I'm not.

While we were waiting to be seated for dinner last night I was in a giddy and bubbly mood. The best mood I had been in all day.  And it seemed like DH could really care less. Which in turn sent my mood right down.

Then we went to the movie's and Dh didn't like the movie and when it ended was ready to go right away even though it was playing the funnies during the credits. Even though whenever we see a movie he wants to see or likes we wait till the end of the credits to make sure nothing else is going to play. So I made a comment "well I guess you didn't like the movie" and he was like I hate that actress. Well F@ck me huh? I mean WOW! I enjoyed it and laughed through it but you couldn't let me enjoy that could you.

So on the way to the car I can see I-10 from where the movie theater is. And I have to hold back the tears. I want to get on 10 and drive back to MD. I want to go home to were people care that I'm happy, were people can tell Im upset and actually care!! I called an old friend of mine, an ex actually, and cried my eyes out while walking the dog. And you know what he actually cared, he stopped what he was doing to talk to me and clam me down!!

I walked back into the apt and DH was all like were did you go. Didn't even comment on why are you crying nothing. Just looked at me and wanted to know why I was gone for so long, a whole five min.

So I laid in bed last night listening to music and crying all night. He never came to check on me or anything, didn't even sleep in bed. Was on the couch this morning with his shoes still on sleeping.

Earlier yesterday before the dinner and movies we went out cause he wanted to get a computer, even though mine is perfectly good, and blew about 800 like it was nothing. We went into target to return a clock and he was like were you getting anything and I made a comment "I dont have money to just blow on anything like you" and he was like "Well I'm sorry I have money" so of course I blew up and turned around to him and was like "Im sorry I quit my job and moved to f@cking TX for you and am broke cause I didn't have a job for the past 2 months!!!!!"

I mean its all these small things with him and he doesn't understand why I'm upset. This kills me to say and have only told one person this fear, but i think I have made a mistake.

I want to go home.

Fights

Is fighting with a boyfriend really different then fighting with your husband?

As my husband and I were disagreeing last night I got to pondering this question. Is the fighting between him and I different now then it was when we were just dating? In some ways yes and in some ways no.

When you disagree with your boyfriend you can walk out and cool down.

Now if your married it's a bit different (esp. if you PCS to a new state and dont know anyone or anything around you). I get so fustrated to where I would love to call up a friend and be like " I need a drink, let's meet up." And I can go out for a bit and cool off. However, Im live with my husband in a state that I dont know very well and don't knwo anyone in! So when I need to cool off what do I do? I walk my dog around our Apt complex. Woo Hoo.

Now I believe in picking my fights. Dont think by me writing on the subject that Chris and I fight 24/7. We don't. I normally let the little things slide and dont even bother making a fuss about it. But lately, I dont know why, But its becoming harder and harder to let little things pass by. The beer bottles left next to the couch, the dinner dishes never being done unless I do them, the army gear in every corner and thrown over every chair and couch and all over Our closet floor, his clothes left on the bedroom/bathroom floor when the laundry basket is two feet away. The little things. It builds up and I get mad. Then he doesn't understand why I'm upset.

Now maybe it's just different to me because we are newly married (12.12.09) and right after the wedding I packed up my things and moved 30 hours away from everything I have ever known. Maybe I'm just stressed at having no one I can really talk to and trust. Maybe i'm still getting used to living with someone else. Maybe i'm still getting used to an army wife life and don't really know how to handle things just yet.

Maybe, Maybe, Maybe.

Raven Rock

So I was 14 and he was 16. We actually met through a church I was attending confirmation classes at! I bet no one thought him and I would come this far! I was actually one of the students and he was an instructor in training.

We were on one trip, “Raven Rock,” and this is where our relationship really started. I was that giddy shy little 14 year old who’s only “boyfriend” was in sixth grade and we only passed notes. So having a guy interested in me, an older one at that, was new to me.

The one thing that really got us started and we still joke about today is Smarties, you know the little sweet round candies. I remember having homework that I needed to get done. So instead of going on our free time I stayed behind in the discussion hall to work on it. Well next thing I know im having Smarties thrown down my shirt by him!

That night we sat next to each other around the fire while he played the guitar. I was cold and he gave me his shirt to keep me warm. Actually I still have that somewhere I’m sure! The rest of the night went by quickly. There were some steps in the woods leading up to the cabins and we sat there. Not much talking because like I said I was extremely shy. Then it was time to be in the cabins and the rest of the trip flew by.

And Well almost eight years later here we are =]