Mistake

This takes a lot to out into words but I fear if I don't I might lose what's left of my mind.

Im just not happy. It's like I'll be in a good mood one second and the next I'm not.

While we were waiting to be seated for dinner last night I was in a giddy and bubbly mood. The best mood I had been in all day.  And it seemed like DH could really care less. Which in turn sent my mood right down.

Then we went to the movie's and Dh didn't like the movie and when it ended was ready to go right away even though it was playing the funnies during the credits. Even though whenever we see a movie he wants to see or likes we wait till the end of the credits to make sure nothing else is going to play. So I made a comment "well I guess you didn't like the movie" and he was like I hate that actress. Well F@ck me huh? I mean WOW! I enjoyed it and laughed through it but you couldn't let me enjoy that could you.

So on the way to the car I can see I-10 from where the movie theater is. And I have to hold back the tears. I want to get on 10 and drive back to MD. I want to go home to were people care that I'm happy, were people can tell Im upset and actually care!! I called an old friend of mine, an ex actually, and cried my eyes out while walking the dog. And you know what he actually cared, he stopped what he was doing to talk to me and clam me down!!

I walked back into the apt and DH was all like were did you go. Didn't even comment on why are you crying nothing. Just looked at me and wanted to know why I was gone for so long, a whole five min.

So I laid in bed last night listening to music and crying all night. He never came to check on me or anything, didn't even sleep in bed. Was on the couch this morning with his shoes still on sleeping.

Earlier yesterday before the dinner and movies we went out cause he wanted to get a computer, even though mine is perfectly good, and blew about 800 like it was nothing. We went into target to return a clock and he was like were you getting anything and I made a comment "I dont have money to just blow on anything like you" and he was like "Well I'm sorry I have money" so of course I blew up and turned around to him and was like "Im sorry I quit my job and moved to f@cking TX for you and am broke cause I didn't have a job for the past 2 months!!!!!"

I mean its all these small things with him and he doesn't understand why I'm upset. This kills me to say and have only told one person this fear, but i think I have made a mistake.

I want to go home.

Fights

Is fighting with a boyfriend really different then fighting with your husband?

As my husband and I were disagreeing last night I got to pondering this question. Is the fighting between him and I different now then it was when we were just dating? In some ways yes and in some ways no.

When you disagree with your boyfriend you can walk out and cool down.

Now if your married it's a bit different (esp. if you PCS to a new state and dont know anyone or anything around you). I get so fustrated to where I would love to call up a friend and be like " I need a drink, let's meet up." And I can go out for a bit and cool off. However, Im live with my husband in a state that I dont know very well and don't knwo anyone in! So when I need to cool off what do I do? I walk my dog around our Apt complex. Woo Hoo.

Now I believe in picking my fights. Dont think by me writing on the subject that Chris and I fight 24/7. We don't. I normally let the little things slide and dont even bother making a fuss about it. But lately, I dont know why, But its becoming harder and harder to let little things pass by. The beer bottles left next to the couch, the dinner dishes never being done unless I do them, the army gear in every corner and thrown over every chair and couch and all over Our closet floor, his clothes left on the bedroom/bathroom floor when the laundry basket is two feet away. The little things. It builds up and I get mad. Then he doesn't understand why I'm upset.

Now maybe it's just different to me because we are newly married (12.12.09) and right after the wedding I packed up my things and moved 30 hours away from everything I have ever known. Maybe I'm just stressed at having no one I can really talk to and trust. Maybe i'm still getting used to living with someone else. Maybe i'm still getting used to an army wife life and don't really know how to handle things just yet.

Maybe, Maybe, Maybe.

Raven Rock

So I was 14 and he was 16. We actually met through a church I was attending confirmation classes at! I bet no one thought him and I would come this far! I was actually one of the students and he was an instructor in training.

We were on one trip, “Raven Rock,” and this is where our relationship really started. I was that giddy shy little 14 year old who’s only “boyfriend” was in sixth grade and we only passed notes. So having a guy interested in me, an older one at that, was new to me.

The one thing that really got us started and we still joke about today is Smarties, you know the little sweet round candies. I remember having homework that I needed to get done. So instead of going on our free time I stayed behind in the discussion hall to work on it. Well next thing I know im having Smarties thrown down my shirt by him!

That night we sat next to each other around the fire while he played the guitar. I was cold and he gave me his shirt to keep me warm. Actually I still have that somewhere I’m sure! The rest of the night went by quickly. There were some steps in the woods leading up to the cabins and we sat there. Not much talking because like I said I was extremely shy. Then it was time to be in the cabins and the rest of the trip flew by.

And Well almost eight years later here we are =]

First Post..Lets Make it a Good One!

Well I have been thinking about making a blog and someone on MSSN talking about it finally got me starting one! Not really sure what I'm going to share with everyone or even where to start! Do I start as of today, the day DH and I married, or even the day we met eight years ago.

I think maybe I will just wing it.

If I ever get confusing or don't make any sense or even have different beliefs or views then you do, I apoligize, but there is a reason why this is MY blog. I thank you all for reading it and I do value your beliefs so please dont take anything the wrong way. I just want to make it clear that I'm going to write what I want and if you don't like it you don't really have to read it.

I think when I get off of work I will start with how DH and I met. I think thats a good start on how and why I am the way I am and why my life is the way it is.